The Ant and the Grasshopper [Archive]

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dhyatt

03-29-2004, 09:44 AM

This was sent to me by a source that wishes to remain anonymous:

THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER

OLD VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, CNN and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse
then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."

Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant.

The case is tried before a panel of! federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican

Cathy

03-29-2004, 09:48 AM

Don

03-29-2004, 11:08 AM

LOL!!!!

Don

03-29-2004, 11:21 AM

ROBOT BARTENDER

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed.
A fellow came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replied, "130."
So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, investments, insurance, and so on.
The man listened intently and thought,"This is really cool"
Another gent came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man responded, "100."
So the robot started talking about football, baseball, and so on.
The man thought to himself, "Wow,this is really cool."
A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replied, "70."
The robot then asked, "So, are you Democrats really going to nominate John Kerry?"

Wuptdo

03-29-2004, 11:59 AM

ROFL! Both were very good. Really made my day!

Wuptdo B-)

Don

04-02-2004, 10:48 AM

THE WHITE HOUSE WASHINGTON D. C.

Mr. John Hinckley, St. Elizabeth's Hospital, Washington, DC

Dear John,

Laura and I hope that you are continuing your excellent progress in recovery
from your problems. We were pleased to hear that you are now able to have
unsupervised visits with your parents. The staff at the hospital reports
that you are doing fine.

I have decided to seek a second term in office as your president and I would
appreciate your support and the support of your fine parents.

I would hope that if there is anything that you need at the hospital, you
will let us know.

By the way, are you aware that John Kerry is screwing Jody Foster?

Sincerely,

George W. Bush
President

Wuptdo

04-04-2004, 10:43 PM

Recently, someone enlightened me to talk Radio WTPF 680. At last, radio station I can relate too. In the afternoon, this DJ named Jerry Agar comes on. Man, is he in-tune to what is happening around this region. Anyway, someone should forward this to him. It would be a great read on his show.

Fight the power!

Wuptdo B-)

I used to say, "stick it to the man," however, my kids like to point out that I am "the man!" You know when you are getting old when........

Don

05-24-2004, 05:31 PM

My brother sent me this, Thanks Dan!

Pose the following question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Democrats answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a Paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

Republicans answer:
BANG! BANG!

Southerners answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click....(sounds of reloading). BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click. Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Black Talon Hollow Points?" " You know better dear, they were Speer GoldDots!"

johnb

05-24-2004, 09:02 PM

Don,

Your scenario is patently false. You did not include the wetting of the pants by the little donkey, the only time they have the courage to go on the offensive is when they are attacking Republicans, Christianity, whites, or western civilization. Hence, if the assailant had a BIBLE in his hand the little donkey would have busted a cap in his @ss without even thinking about it.

Get it right.

:)

Don

06-10-2004, 10:03 PM

This was sent to me today from a friend, pretty funny. :wink:

Last Child Support Check

Today is my daughter's 18th birthday.......

I'm so glad that this is my last child support payment.

Month after month, year after year, those payments!

I called my baby girl to come over to my house, and when she got there,
I said to her, "Baby girl, I want you to take this last check over to your momma's house; you tell her that this is the last check she's ever going to get from me, then I want you to come back here and tell me the _expression she had on her face."

So my baby girl took the check over to her. I was so anxious to hear what the witch had to say and what she looked like. As my baby girl walked though the door, I said, "Well now .... what did your momma have to say?"

"She told me to tell you that you ain't my daddy."

Wuptdo

06-16-2004, 04:58 PM

Someone sent this to me the other day (Read on):

http://www.friesian.com/ross/ca40/noright.htm

Then I found this version:

http://enphilistor.users4.50megs.com/rights.htm

Both are a good read - Enjoy!

Wuptdo B-)

Anonymous

09-21-2004, 08:16 AM

MESSAGE FROM A RETIREE:

WORKING PEOPLE FREQUENTLY ASK RETIRED PEOPLE WHAT THEY DO TO MAKE THEIR DAYS INTERESTING.

I WENT TO THE STORE THE OTHER DAY. I WAS ONLY IN THERE FOR ABOUT 5 MINUTES.

WHEN I CAME OUT THERE WAS A CITY COP WRITING OUT A PARKING TICKET.

I WENT UP TO HIM AND SAID, "COME ON, BUDDY, HOW ABOUT GIVING A SENIOR A BREAK?"

HE IGNORED ME AND CONTINUED WRITING THE TICKET. I CALLED HIM A NAME.

HE GLARED AT ME AND STARTED WRITING ANOTHER TICKET FOR HAVING WORN TIRES.

SO I CALLED HIM A WORSE NAME. HE FINISHED THE SECOND TICKET AND PUT IT ON THE WINDSHIELD WITH THE FIRST.

THEN HE STARTED WRITING A THIRD TICKET.

THIS WENT ON FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES. THE MORE I ABUSED HIM THE MORE TICKETS HE WROTE.

I DIDN'T CARE. MY CAR WAS PARKED AROUND THE CORNER AND THIS ONE HAD AN

"ELECT JOHN KERRY" BUMPER STICKER ON IT.

I TRY TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN EACH DAY NOW THAT I'M RETIRED.

IT'S IMPORTANT AT OUR AGE.

Wuptdo

09-19-2005, 12:31 PM

A great blast from CPs past, so go back and have a good read and a laugh. And when you are done, take a moment and read this:

Where would you rather live? (http://votingresearch.org/USAstudynationalrelease.pdf)

From the above, I gather the better paying the local "welfare" is, the more liberal the city. I wonder where the breaking point is?

Wuptdo B-)

Wuptdo

08-26-2006, 12:09 PM

Wow, being non-partisan may be the way to go. Now I understand why Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, every rapper/hib hopper, and Oprah hate Bill Cosby:

Bill Cosby’s Uphill Battle Against Downhill Politics
August 26, 2006
Vox Populi, Doug Powers

What’s the worst political label you can have these days? Commie-lib? Evil conservative? Nah, I’m starting to think that label is “non-partisan,” especially if it encroaches on an area that happens to be a hunting ground for the fiercely partisan, is about the worst thing you can be called.

History may record it as a bit disturbing but, appropriately, somewhat funny, that it took a comedian to wake people up to the importance of parenting and responsibility.

While our politicians – most of whom simply adore placating the poor with empty rhetoric so they can squeeze votes from them like an orange juicer – sit idly by, a comedian and successful sitcom star, is taking more action that will actually have a positive impact on peoples’ lives than all the politicians put together. Yes, the guy who created Fat Albert is light years ahead of most Democrats and Republicans in providing a message that will actually help the poor not be poor. If it works, Democrats and Republicans will then fight for credit.

the rest of the story below

The Story Continued.... (http://mensnewsdaily.com/2006/08/26/bill-cosbys-uphill-battle-against-downhill-politics/)

Is Mr. Cosby on the right track, or is the "status quo" still the only way to go.

Anyway, just for $hits & Grins, I will forward to Barry Saunders over at the N&O. :wink:

Oh, for a fun trip down memory lane, go back and read the orginial post.

Wuptdo B-)