Brent
12-06-2005, 12:22 PM
This is a masterpiece!
Let's say there's a developer in town, we'll call him Jerald, who has been contacted by CaryGrandma to handle the rezoning and development of her 400 acre horse farm just outside Town of Cary limits. Her property, which she has decided to sell before she can be annexed, is worth a paltry $16M (after stream buffer deduction) and since she's ready to retire and move to the 33rd best place in the country to live, she wants to get the deal moving.
Jerald, being the local wizened purveyor of PUDs, is more than ready to help soon-to-be-rich CaryGrandma out. But not so fast.... Jerald has a problem. It seems CaryGrandma's horse farm (shortly renamed as "Clopper Village") is only accesible by well... horse. And even though Cary's traffic engineer says 'horse trail OK!, no traffic study required!", Jerald knows that even the builders with 6 mpg H2s won't be able to get close enough to see the $$$ he's planted on the site. Jerald needs a road built. Not only that, according to Cary's 2nd Edition "Unabridged Thoroughfare Plan for Transportationally Challenged", he needs it built to handle all the traffic that wil be coming north from "Holly Springs over to Cary for all the good stuff".
Now Jerald isn't in the business of building roads. He's in the business of getting other people to build roads... and parks, and schools, and art, and dog parks, and water parks, and libraries, and aquatics centers, and skate parks, and baseball fields, and soccer parks, and pedestrain bridges, and cultural arts centers, and amphitheaters, and public parking decks etc... etc... etc... So Jerald does what he's done every year since 1860 and sticks his finger in the air to see which way the wind is blowing.
The wind really only blows one direction - up - and Jerald needs to find out whether it's blowing up the taxpayer's rear - or his friendly neighborhood builder's huge backsides. (FYI - there's an air handler control buried deep in the secret tunnel connecting Town Hall with the Cary Chamber of Commerce that controls the wind's speed and direction). Jerald know from experience that if the wind flows up the backside of the builders for any length of time, they let out a giant fart which blasts it up the taxpayers arse for at least an election cycle or two.
Jerald determines that the wind is currently lifting the skirts of all the lady taxpayers in town (it's what he checks first) so he goes next door and talks to the Mayor, who then goes two doors down to talk to a previous Mayor, to determine exactly how far over the taxpayers can bend before they won't vote for him again. Unfortunately for Jerald, the Mayor(s) find that taxpayers are increasingly less flexible and unwilling to bend much due to their perpetually sated state. They all seem to think life is good and cheap, and they like it that way.
Jerald knows his builder brothers in arms aren't going to allow themselves anywhere near dire straits (which means anything less than maximum possible profit in the shortest amount of time is a non-starter), so he and the Mayor(s) contact the town crier, Billy Anthracite (if you get that one, you get to play the bonus round) , and formulate a plan - the ''PUNYCPL'' plan, otherwise known as the "Pay Us Now & You Can Pay Later" plan. Jerald gets his road now and the people pay more later - after another election cycle or two.
Alas, Jerald's job is not done because he now has to work through the dense-heads associated with the APA. They like to push density, density, density - yet Jerald knows that young parents migrating from the NE like to park in dark cul-de-sacs and make out in the SUVs they can afford only after moving here and bringing their NJ 6 figures with them. Jerald also knows that APA graduates have secret plans for CaryGrandma's land which, if allowed to play out, will lead to inbreeding of liberal thinktank contributors for generations to come.
Fortunately, Jerald has a plan (Jerald always has plan) and it's worked so many times, he's lost count - though he claims a wrinkle for each success. He will bid high and sell low - scaring the serfs on the CTC (and any nearby residents) into gleefully accepting 3.2 homes per acre with state-of-the-art freshly planted bushes of the opaque variety. The new residents love their homes for exactly 390 days. On the 391st day, they learn Cary wants to connect their brand new thouroughly fair road to a new one coming north from "Holly Springs over to Cary..." and they get a new property tax bill and a higher water & sewer bill, and a lovely new grinch colored trash 'thing' which they have to heave to the curb every week. The PUNYCPL plan has kicked in. It's all CaryGrandma's fault...
(from "The Great Growth Debate Continues" in Local Issues at http://carypolitics.org/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=2017 )
Let's say there's a developer in town, we'll call him Jerald, who has been contacted by CaryGrandma to handle the rezoning and development of her 400 acre horse farm just outside Town of Cary limits. Her property, which she has decided to sell before she can be annexed, is worth a paltry $16M (after stream buffer deduction) and since she's ready to retire and move to the 33rd best place in the country to live, she wants to get the deal moving.
Jerald, being the local wizened purveyor of PUDs, is more than ready to help soon-to-be-rich CaryGrandma out. But not so fast.... Jerald has a problem. It seems CaryGrandma's horse farm (shortly renamed as "Clopper Village") is only accesible by well... horse. And even though Cary's traffic engineer says 'horse trail OK!, no traffic study required!", Jerald knows that even the builders with 6 mpg H2s won't be able to get close enough to see the $$$ he's planted on the site. Jerald needs a road built. Not only that, according to Cary's 2nd Edition "Unabridged Thoroughfare Plan for Transportationally Challenged", he needs it built to handle all the traffic that wil be coming north from "Holly Springs over to Cary for all the good stuff".
Now Jerald isn't in the business of building roads. He's in the business of getting other people to build roads... and parks, and schools, and art, and dog parks, and water parks, and libraries, and aquatics centers, and skate parks, and baseball fields, and soccer parks, and pedestrain bridges, and cultural arts centers, and amphitheaters, and public parking decks etc... etc... etc... So Jerald does what he's done every year since 1860 and sticks his finger in the air to see which way the wind is blowing.
The wind really only blows one direction - up - and Jerald needs to find out whether it's blowing up the taxpayer's rear - or his friendly neighborhood builder's huge backsides. (FYI - there's an air handler control buried deep in the secret tunnel connecting Town Hall with the Cary Chamber of Commerce that controls the wind's speed and direction). Jerald know from experience that if the wind flows up the backside of the builders for any length of time, they let out a giant fart which blasts it up the taxpayers arse for at least an election cycle or two.
Jerald determines that the wind is currently lifting the skirts of all the lady taxpayers in town (it's what he checks first) so he goes next door and talks to the Mayor, who then goes two doors down to talk to a previous Mayor, to determine exactly how far over the taxpayers can bend before they won't vote for him again. Unfortunately for Jerald, the Mayor(s) find that taxpayers are increasingly less flexible and unwilling to bend much due to their perpetually sated state. They all seem to think life is good and cheap, and they like it that way.
Jerald knows his builder brothers in arms aren't going to allow themselves anywhere near dire straits (which means anything less than maximum possible profit in the shortest amount of time is a non-starter), so he and the Mayor(s) contact the town crier, Billy Anthracite (if you get that one, you get to play the bonus round) , and formulate a plan - the ''PUNYCPL'' plan, otherwise known as the "Pay Us Now & You Can Pay Later" plan. Jerald gets his road now and the people pay more later - after another election cycle or two.
Alas, Jerald's job is not done because he now has to work through the dense-heads associated with the APA. They like to push density, density, density - yet Jerald knows that young parents migrating from the NE like to park in dark cul-de-sacs and make out in the SUVs they can afford only after moving here and bringing their NJ 6 figures with them. Jerald also knows that APA graduates have secret plans for CaryGrandma's land which, if allowed to play out, will lead to inbreeding of liberal thinktank contributors for generations to come.
Fortunately, Jerald has a plan (Jerald always has plan) and it's worked so many times, he's lost count - though he claims a wrinkle for each success. He will bid high and sell low - scaring the serfs on the CTC (and any nearby residents) into gleefully accepting 3.2 homes per acre with state-of-the-art freshly planted bushes of the opaque variety. The new residents love their homes for exactly 390 days. On the 391st day, they learn Cary wants to connect their brand new thouroughly fair road to a new one coming north from "Holly Springs over to Cary..." and they get a new property tax bill and a higher water & sewer bill, and a lovely new grinch colored trash 'thing' which they have to heave to the curb every week. The PUNYCPL plan has kicked in. It's all CaryGrandma's fault...
(from "The Great Growth Debate Continues" in Local Issues at http://carypolitics.org/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=2017 )