Oliver
01-12-2004, 01:52 PM
Restaurant Review
An Italian Restaurant With Stellar Service
By Oliver “Omnivore” Lard-Gourmand, Cary Politics Food Critic
It was a dark and stormy night. I was considering where I would have my supper, and decided to stop by a gaming parlor across town for a bit of amusement while I pondered a restaurant choice. I am known down at the Rotary Club as quite the player of dominoes (tied for fourth place in last year’s cutthroat tourney), and so I popped into a local gaming parlor that advertised, in bright neon lights, “Domino’s”. It was a small shop with just a counter. I inquired as to where the games were taking place, and the proprietor explained that it was NOT, in fact, a gaming parlor but rather an Italian restaurant! I decided that fate meant for me to dine at this establishment that night, and this happy accident is how I happened upon my local Domino’s.
I advised the proprietor that I would pass on the games and rather preferred to dine there, and so would appreciate being seated. The gentleman, whose name tag proclaimed his thoroughly Italian name, “Bubba”, pointed to a sign that stated “Carry-Out and Delivery Only”. After I inquired further, he advised that I could place my order and take it with me, or they would deliver it to my domicile. I could hardly believe my ears. After my disappointment with the “self-serve” service at the local French café (Golden Corral), I could not believe that such a service-oriented ristorante existed that would actually deliver my order to my own personal dining table. Things were looking up!
Nothing goes better with Italian food than an Asti Spumante, so I inquired as to available vintages. The house wine was “Pepsi” (Italian for “House Wine”), and I learned that I could get a 2-liter bottle (screw-on cap, not corked) FOR FREE with a large pizza if I had a coupon. Of course, I had no such coupon, but my service expectations were exceeded once again when the proprietor provided the coupon for me! That’s right, he offered this special deal to me, even though I was not a regular customer and he had no way of knowing that I am the Cary Politics food critic. Clearly, his only motivation was excellent customer service, for he remarked, “Kin y’all jest order, Possum Breath? There’s folks a-waitin’ in line!”
So as to take advantage of this special deal, I did order the large pizza. Domino’s custom-builds each pizza, so first one must specify one’s choice of crust type. I chose “baked”. Domino’s has a plethora of toppings, and the two toppings that I usually prefer (red sauce and white cheese) are ALREADY INCLUDED. Hence, I decided to splurge and add an additional topping. Unfortunately, they do not offer tuna, so I chose anchovies.
The proprietor advised that my meal would be ready “shortly” and I could take it with me. But I decided to take full advantage of the service, and requested delivery to my home. Bubba looked at me quizzically but obliged, indicating that it would be there in 30 minutes or less. And so I raced home, for my abode is about a 25-minute drive from the shop. As promised, the meal arrived on schedule, although it was not delivered by Bubba, but rather by a sweet Italian signora named “Lakeisha”. I introduced her to Muffkins, my cat, and invited her in, but she declined, indicating that she really needed to deliver orders to other customers.
I had not yet had time to set the table (I had planned to use my good table settings, consisting of Chinet plates, heavy-duty plastic fork (not the cheap stuff) and LARGE Dixie cup), but I found it unnecessary, as the pizza container can be used as a plate and the wine bottle can be swigged directly, especially when one is dining alone.
The quality was better than average. The dark color and heady bouquet of the “Pepsi” wine led me to believe that it was last year’s vintage, and the pizza was quite tasty, although I am nearly certain that the anchovies were domestic. But the tasty food is overshadowed by the over-the-top, deliver-to-your-door service.
This was shaping up to be a 5-star review, but alas, I had not evaluated the washroom at the Domino’s store. So I telephoned Bubba and asked him to describe the men’s room to me, supposing I could verify his description later. When I phoned, he assured me that he remembered me very well, and in response to my question, he advised, “If y’all are talking ‘bout the pot, we ain’t got no public turlets, jest a one-holer fer the help to use.” Of course, faithful readers will know that this was a mandatory seven-eighths star penalty. Sigh.
So, to “Domino’s”, my Ristorante Italiano with delivery service, I give FOUR AND ONE-EIGHTH STARS. You can be certain that I will be no stranger to this establishment – I don’t mind the 25-minute drive across town to place an order, because they deliver it right to my doorstep! Confidential to Domino’s customers: Even when I shared with Muffkins, I still had enough pizza left for lunch the following day. There is a way in which the leftover pizza can be re-heated in a microwave oven; it is complicated, so please write for instructions.
The ratings explained:
FIVE STARS: The best, the chef has a foreign-sounding name
FOUR STARS: Very good, a separate children’s menu is available
THREE STARS: Pretty good, but sometimes the tables aren’t washed
TWO STARS: Sort of good, but the busboy is really scary
ONE STAR: Not too good, the fryer grease hasn’t been changed in quite awhile
NO STARS: Your health insurance better be paid up
Cary Politics food critic Oliver “Omnivore” Lard-Gourmand is a noted authority on Italian food, having “studied” under Chef Boy-R-Dee early in his career. He has seen pictures of the Pope, who lives near Rome. His Beef-A-Roni casserole is always a big hit at Rotary Club pot luck dinners (this involves a can opener, a microwave and store brand Parmesan cheese; write for recipe).
An Italian Restaurant With Stellar Service
By Oliver “Omnivore” Lard-Gourmand, Cary Politics Food Critic
It was a dark and stormy night. I was considering where I would have my supper, and decided to stop by a gaming parlor across town for a bit of amusement while I pondered a restaurant choice. I am known down at the Rotary Club as quite the player of dominoes (tied for fourth place in last year’s cutthroat tourney), and so I popped into a local gaming parlor that advertised, in bright neon lights, “Domino’s”. It was a small shop with just a counter. I inquired as to where the games were taking place, and the proprietor explained that it was NOT, in fact, a gaming parlor but rather an Italian restaurant! I decided that fate meant for me to dine at this establishment that night, and this happy accident is how I happened upon my local Domino’s.
I advised the proprietor that I would pass on the games and rather preferred to dine there, and so would appreciate being seated. The gentleman, whose name tag proclaimed his thoroughly Italian name, “Bubba”, pointed to a sign that stated “Carry-Out and Delivery Only”. After I inquired further, he advised that I could place my order and take it with me, or they would deliver it to my domicile. I could hardly believe my ears. After my disappointment with the “self-serve” service at the local French café (Golden Corral), I could not believe that such a service-oriented ristorante existed that would actually deliver my order to my own personal dining table. Things were looking up!
Nothing goes better with Italian food than an Asti Spumante, so I inquired as to available vintages. The house wine was “Pepsi” (Italian for “House Wine”), and I learned that I could get a 2-liter bottle (screw-on cap, not corked) FOR FREE with a large pizza if I had a coupon. Of course, I had no such coupon, but my service expectations were exceeded once again when the proprietor provided the coupon for me! That’s right, he offered this special deal to me, even though I was not a regular customer and he had no way of knowing that I am the Cary Politics food critic. Clearly, his only motivation was excellent customer service, for he remarked, “Kin y’all jest order, Possum Breath? There’s folks a-waitin’ in line!”
So as to take advantage of this special deal, I did order the large pizza. Domino’s custom-builds each pizza, so first one must specify one’s choice of crust type. I chose “baked”. Domino’s has a plethora of toppings, and the two toppings that I usually prefer (red sauce and white cheese) are ALREADY INCLUDED. Hence, I decided to splurge and add an additional topping. Unfortunately, they do not offer tuna, so I chose anchovies.
The proprietor advised that my meal would be ready “shortly” and I could take it with me. But I decided to take full advantage of the service, and requested delivery to my home. Bubba looked at me quizzically but obliged, indicating that it would be there in 30 minutes or less. And so I raced home, for my abode is about a 25-minute drive from the shop. As promised, the meal arrived on schedule, although it was not delivered by Bubba, but rather by a sweet Italian signora named “Lakeisha”. I introduced her to Muffkins, my cat, and invited her in, but she declined, indicating that she really needed to deliver orders to other customers.
I had not yet had time to set the table (I had planned to use my good table settings, consisting of Chinet plates, heavy-duty plastic fork (not the cheap stuff) and LARGE Dixie cup), but I found it unnecessary, as the pizza container can be used as a plate and the wine bottle can be swigged directly, especially when one is dining alone.
The quality was better than average. The dark color and heady bouquet of the “Pepsi” wine led me to believe that it was last year’s vintage, and the pizza was quite tasty, although I am nearly certain that the anchovies were domestic. But the tasty food is overshadowed by the over-the-top, deliver-to-your-door service.
This was shaping up to be a 5-star review, but alas, I had not evaluated the washroom at the Domino’s store. So I telephoned Bubba and asked him to describe the men’s room to me, supposing I could verify his description later. When I phoned, he assured me that he remembered me very well, and in response to my question, he advised, “If y’all are talking ‘bout the pot, we ain’t got no public turlets, jest a one-holer fer the help to use.” Of course, faithful readers will know that this was a mandatory seven-eighths star penalty. Sigh.
So, to “Domino’s”, my Ristorante Italiano with delivery service, I give FOUR AND ONE-EIGHTH STARS. You can be certain that I will be no stranger to this establishment – I don’t mind the 25-minute drive across town to place an order, because they deliver it right to my doorstep! Confidential to Domino’s customers: Even when I shared with Muffkins, I still had enough pizza left for lunch the following day. There is a way in which the leftover pizza can be re-heated in a microwave oven; it is complicated, so please write for instructions.
The ratings explained:
FIVE STARS: The best, the chef has a foreign-sounding name
FOUR STARS: Very good, a separate children’s menu is available
THREE STARS: Pretty good, but sometimes the tables aren’t washed
TWO STARS: Sort of good, but the busboy is really scary
ONE STAR: Not too good, the fryer grease hasn’t been changed in quite awhile
NO STARS: Your health insurance better be paid up
Cary Politics food critic Oliver “Omnivore” Lard-Gourmand is a noted authority on Italian food, having “studied” under Chef Boy-R-Dee early in his career. He has seen pictures of the Pope, who lives near Rome. His Beef-A-Roni casserole is always a big hit at Rotary Club pot luck dinners (this involves a can opener, a microwave and store brand Parmesan cheese; write for recipe).