Seasonal Humor

[Rono]

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a
bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's
mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and
tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite
words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean
up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally,
John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back.
John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John,
in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the
freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and
screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard
for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly
opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto
John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you
with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my
inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can
to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the
change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what
had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

[Rono]

As in the Night before Christmas....


'Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn't sleep

I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.

The leftovers beckoned - the dark meat and white,

I fought the temptation with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation - the thought of a snack became infatuation.

So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door - and gazed at the
fridge full of goodies galore.

I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,

pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,

'til all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.

I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky,

with a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie.

But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees....

Happy eating to all - pass the cranberries, please.

May your stuffing be tasty, may your turkey be plump.

May your potatoes 'n gravy have nary a lump,

May your yams be delicious may your pies take the prize,

MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER STAY OFF OF YOUR THIGHS.

[Wuptdo]

Enjoy!

http://www.newsmax.com/liners.shtml

Wuptdo B-)

[Rono]

Rated PG 13

http://www.kerman94.net/Redneck-Snowman.HTM

[Laurie]

Some holiday music for you to enjoy!

Listen here: http://soe.hyperchat.com/newchat/u/yummy/~soe/hippo.wav

Lyrics here: http://soe.hyperchat.com/newchat/u/lisanne/~soe/hippo.htm

FAQs here: http://soe.hyperchat.com/newchat/u/yummy/~soe/hippoFAQ.htm

[Rono]

A man goes to the pet store to get his wife a pet for Christmas

The pet store owner says “I have just the pet for you. It’s a Christmas Carol singing parrot and his name is Chet. All you have to do is light a candle, wave it below one of his feet and he sings Jingle Bells and Silent Night”

The pet store owner then went and found a candle and lit the wick. He then waved the flame under the parrot’s right foot and the parrot began to sing Silent Night

He then waved it under his left foot and the parrot began to sing Jingle Bells.

“Great!,” the customer said, “I’ll take it’

When he got home he showed his wife what he bought her. He lit a candle and waved in under each foot and sure enough Chet the parrot began to sing Silent Night and Jingle Bells.

His wife said “That’s great honey….but what happens if you wave it under both of his feet?” The husband said, “I don’t know…let try it.” When he did the parrot immediately began to sing….

Chet’s nuts roasting on an open fire….

[Rono]

The ladies will like this one....


REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually la te November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers
till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-*** man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

[Wuptdo]

Ads that were banned in 2004. This is a hoot!

http://money.cnn.com/2004/12/16/news/fortune500/indecency/

Enjoy!

Wuptdo B-)