Bristo in the Park; inside Embassy Suites

[Wuptdo]

This is one of Cary's best kept secrets. It has a good location (either thru Harrison Ave or Weston Pkwy), plenty of parking, and I have never had to wait for a table (even at lunch time). At lunch they have a nice, well rounded menu with reasonable hotel prices. However, for $8, I would recommend the buffet. Not a very big selection, but the food is well prepared, and if you eat a few deserts :wink: , you have gotten more than your money's worth.

For dinner, they have something for everybody. This is a full service "bristo;" with a full bar and a good wine menu. For an appetizer I would recommend the Crab Cakes, followed up with either the smoked tomato bisque or a spinach & goat cheese salad. For entrees, I like the Bristo Shrimp & Grits or the Pan Roasted Filet Mignon (prices range form $15 to $25). They also have a groumet brick oven for making various dishes include pizza. The "Bristo" also scores extra points with me for bringing fresh rolls to the table and have a very good kids menu. Always ask about that nights specials and do order the dessert; you won't be disappointed. The wait staff is from around the world, and very well trained. The bathrooms are immaculate. This is a good place for a business meeting (or interviews), in-law visits, special night out with the family, or a date. Four Stars!

Wuptdo B-)

[Oliver]

Restaurant Review

A Skimping, but Expensive Bistro
By Oliver “Omnivore” Lard-Gourmand, Cary Politics Food Critic

As my faithful readers know, I generally patronize very upscale restaurants such as McDonald’s Irish Pub, KFC Southern Cookin’, Golden Corral French Café, Wendy’s American Eatery and Domino’s Italian Ristorante. So it was a bit of a departure for me to dine at a hotel restaurant called Bistro In The Park (I wonder why it is not called Bistro In The Hotel?).

Based on advice from a Mr. Wuptdo, I decided to visit the Bistro for their Valentine’s Day Special, even though, as previously noted, I was unable to secure female companionship this Valentine’s Day (or most previous Valentine’s Days, dating back to the 70s, for that matter, but that’s another column), and this establishment declined to allow my cat, Muffkins, to be my dinner companion. Note to Mr. Wuptdo: I did look into the singles dating service that you noted. However, I have not yet located someone who is my type. No ladies called back, although one gentleman did respond, but I am undecided about his offer. But that, too, is another column.

Upon entering the hotel/park, one must first cross a pond to arrive at the dining area. I have to say that I was not terribly happy to get my second-best pair of shoes (Thom McAn) all wet just to get to a table. To the restaurant’s credit, however, they did later point out the bridge that they have provided to cross the pond. Wish I had seen it.

Upon being seated, my server brought what they called “champagne”, which was claimed to be some sort of wine. However, it was filled with bubbles, and so I suspect that they were trying to pass off some sort of “Lite” beer as a wine. Moreover, the drink had a hint of grape flavor. These are the kinds of things that do not slip by a 5-star reviewer such as myself.

Next, I was offered “Bruce Chetta”, apparently named after the chef. I was able to discern that this consisted of bread with some tomato stuff and other things on top. I must say that the slices of bread were quite small. As an appetizer, I chose the antipasto plate (Note to Readers: when eating pasta, antipasto cancels out the pasta’s calories. That’s a tip to remember). To be honest, I had never seen such thin slices of meat. I was beginning to wonder if I would be getting my money’s worth.

The salad course consisted of a salad, and it was quite passable. For an entrée, I chose the filet mignon (French for “very dense hamburger”). This was quite tasty, but I was disappointed once again at the skimpiness – the burger was of an acceptable size, but no bun was provided, and the “gargoyle” cheese on top was just a few crumbs. Also, I had to insist that my server bring me ketchup and pickles, which arrived after much protestation from the server and the chef. I was beginning to see the theme of shortchanging the customer – tiny slices of bread, beer masquerading as wine, thin cuts of meat and no hamburger bun. I had to deduct some stars at this point. The side dishes were mashed potatoes and something called “asparagus”. The mashed potatoes were good, although I suspect that someone had spilled horseradish in them. I did not enjoy the asparagus, which turns out to be small, pointy carrots, because the vegetables apparently were harvested before they were ripe (these so-called “asparagus” carrots were green or white, not orange, indicating a lack of ripeness. Again, this is the kind of thing that a 5-star critic such as myself would notice but a layperson might overlook).

I was initially appalled at the dessert choices – one choice was a white and dark mouse in a grand piano. Even if the rodent is captive within a piano, I have to say that I do not enjoy having a mouse in the vicinity of my dining table. However, the server pointed out that I had misread the menu (I had left my spectacles at home, and was able to use only my monocle) and that the actual dessert was a chocolate moose. At first, this seemed even more frightening, until my server further explained that it really was just a sort of pudding that they happened to call “moose”. So I ordered this, and it was delicious, but it did not come in a grand piano at all, just in an oddly-shaped sherbet glass. In fact, I did not see any piano, organ or harpsichord anywhere in the dining area.

As faithful readers will know, my patented rating system includes washroom inspection. I had heard that the washrooms in this establishment were so immaculate that one could “eat off the floor”. To test this theory, I took a bit of my moose and a spoon to the washroom, and found that this was entirely true. Unfortunately, one of the Staff came into the washroom while I was performing this test and made it quite evident that this practice was frowned upon and that he was not happy with me.

When the check arrived, it was more than the advertised $40. My server explained that tax and tip were extra. I told my server that I had it on the authority of no less than Mr. Wuptdo himself that tax and tip were included. This failed to persuade my server. Voices were raised, unfortunate things were said, and I reluctantly paid the increased bill, but only after the police arrived and took the side of my server.

So, to “Bistro In The Park Hotel”, I give THREE AND SEVEN-SIXTEENTHS STARS. The skimpy portions of some courses were bothersome, and the “bait and switch” bill of more than $40 did upset me, but as I noted earlier, I am accustomed to upscale establishments and so I find this particular place, with its hotel ambiance, acceptable as an alternative to McDonald’s Irish Pub, etc. Plus, I do not want to give the owner another reason to cause me to have a run-in with the police. Confidential to Mr. Wuptdo: They seemed only moderately impressed when I told them we were buddies. Perhaps you should drop a few more bills in this establishment.

The ratings explained:

FIVE STARS: The best, with silk flowers on the table
FOUR STARS: Very good, the chef’s apron is some shade of white
THREE STARS: Pretty good, with good lighting
TWO STARS: Sort of good, but no sesame seeds on the buns
ONE STAR: Not too good, it’s hard to tell if the dishes have been washed
NO STARS: Recommend only to your enemies

Cary Politics food critic Oliver “Omnivore” Lard-Gourmand is a noted authority on upscale restaurants. Although this is the first time he has had a multi-course meal, he is a specialist in salads (as he always says, “It’s the Salad Spinner that makes the difference”. Write for his collection of “How to make a salad using only lettuce” recipes).

[kellyc]

Oliver

This was the best one yet. Tears, tears in my eyes.

Kelly

[BlueDressMonica]

Oliver I would be more than happy to introduce you to some of my female friends. They could really get into that hat of yours.

[Wuptdo]

Mr. Oliver,

My hat is off to you. Your use of the English language is truly remarkable; you sir, are not only a fine critic, but also an excellent "Wordsmith."

Please except my humble apology for the "tax&tip" error. I too, was confounded by the problem as well. Apparently there was a miss communication between the front desk and the "Bristo." And like you, our mousse' were also served in a cup. The piano's did not arrive in time, but they did offer us seconds on dessert. And last but not least, my referral for the dating service was featured in that weeks Cary News; "fair & blanaced" reporting at its best.

I hope Mr. Oliver that you have either trademarked or registered your writings in our little forum. They would make an excellent book. :wink:

Wuptdo B-)

[Oliver]

Ms. kcommiskey,

Thank you for the kind words. I do apologize profusely for making you cry. I try to spread joy.

[Oliver]

Ms. Monica,

I would be most pleased to be introduced to some of your friends, even those very tiny ladies who could get into my hat.

[Oliver]

Mr. Wuptdo,

I would take my hat off to you also, but I have to keep it on (health department regulations).

I am glad you enjoy my writings, and I don't wish to brag, but I also have quite a mastery of the French language, too, as evidenced by my review of Golden Corral French Cafe (posted elsewhere on this site).

No hard feelings about the increased bill. My employer, Admin Hyatt, foots the bill for my meals where I act as critic, so as to assure my objectivity. I had told him it would be forty bucks, so I had to pay the tax and tip out of my own pocket, but I consider that a worthwhile investment (besides, after the various run-ins with my server, I did not leave my usual generous three-and-one-quarter-per cent tip anyway).

It's funny that you should ask about my writing a book. I will post my bio here later; I believe that it has some information about my publications.

[BlueDressMonica]

Ms. Monica,

I would be most pleased to be introduced to some of your friends, even those very tiny ladies who could get into my hat.

Well according to my friend Bill...the size of the hat is relative. I do not know what hats have to do with my cousin but thats what he says.

[Oliver]

Mr. tdo (may I call you Wup?) and others: as promised, I am posting my bio (in the form of a "Meet The Columnist"), with more information than you care to know. But it does include information about my publications.

Meet The Columnists
Oliver “Omnivore” Lard-Gourmand

Introduction from Admin Hyatt (at least this is what I imagine he might write…I hope he doesn’t deny it): Mystery surrounds our Cary Politics food critic. Until we can know who he is for sure, you can get to know him a little better via this “Meet the Columnist” posting, for which I take no responsibility and assume no liability.


Our Food Critic
Today’s featured columnist is the Cary Politics food critic and restaurant reviewer, Oliver “Omnivore” Lard-Gourmand. Oliver (“Don’t call me Ollie!”) applied for the job when he learned that we reimbursed expenses for restaurant reviews, meaning that he gets a free meal every month or so. Even this incentive was not enough to cause anyone else to apply for the job, so Oliver is now our man. He has graced our forums with reviews of McDonald’s Irish Pub, KFC Southern Cookin’ and that French café, Golden Corral. Although his writing has been described as “pompous”, “ignorant”, “misleading” and “moronic”, Mr. Lard-Gourmand remains unfazed and unbiased, suffering the slings and arrows that go along with being the Cary Politics Food Critic. We don’t think that you will find comparable restaurant reviews on any other Web site on the market today.

http://www.posmoroda.com/images/187_Gourmand2.jpg

Oliver “Omnivore” Lard-Gourmand began his formal culinary training when he noticed our food critic “Help Wanted” advertisement, although he has spent years studying the work of many of the world’s finest international chefs, including Boyardee, La Choy, Benihana, Swanson and “Uncle” Ben. In addition, he spends most evenings in his living room in what he describes as a “remote learning experience” in which he studies the work of many of the world’s finest cooks, including Emeril, The Naked Chef and “that ‘Good Eats’ guy, something Brown”; and he studied under famous French chef Julia Child (two different episodes, er, uh, we mean occasions).

Mr. Lard-Gourmand has been eating “for as long as I can remember, and even before that” and notes that he will “will try darn near anything once”. He has devised his own five-star restaurant rating system (patent pending) that takes into account not only the food and service, but also washroom quality.

His own professional kitchen boasts both manual and electric can openers, a Veg-O-Matic and a George Foreman grill. His favorite dish to prepare is skillet-browned buttered bread stuffed with pasteurized processed cheese food product (write for recipe).
On special occasions, he has been known to prepare the French classic, soup du jour, for Rotary Club potluck dinners (this involves emptying a can of Campbell’s lima bean soup into a microwave-safe dish; write for recipe).

Oliver lives alone (except for his pet cat, Muffkins) at the end of the cul-de-sac in Bungalow Oaks. He enjoys mowing the lawn, playing solitaire and of course, cooking. Despite the fact that nearly all of the neighborhood children have been warned to stay away from him, he still regularly takes his afternoon stroll, waving to all the neighbors.

Other works by Lard-Gourmand:
Until recently, Oliver was not much into writing, except for an occasional letter to the editor and the screenplay idea that he submitted to HBO when his unemployment insurance was about to run out (for three new series, “The Altos”, “The Tenors” and “The Bassos”; these were rejected). However, his newfound fame as Cary Politics Food Critic has resulted in his first book, How To Get Your Admin to Pay for One Meal of International Cuisine Every Month. It hasn’t sold any copies yet, but he has high hopes for a book signing at Barnes & Noble in the near future. He has been promoting his book with excerpts from the many Cary Politics postings that sing his high praises (“Oliver knows me…I’m honored”, writes Laurie in the thread “A Cary Institution”; BlueDressMonica opines, “that hat of yours … is but a kiss”; and Wuptdo notes that Oliver is “a fine critic” and “an excellent wordsmith”).

Mr. Lard-Gourmand is also in discussions with local LOX-TV affiliate WCRP to do public service announcements to promote interest in food and cooking (“This is an egg. This is an egg in a frying pan. Any questions?”).

[Brent]

Oliver, I have to say that you are a real piece of work. But I also have to say that we're glad to have you as a CP poster.

Hyatt, if you are not in fact Oliver, do you REALLY pay for his meals? Or is that just all part of his psych job?

I suggest another CP Party (a la Sharpton Christmas party, but not past my bedtime...I'll chip in for any incidental costs). Council members who read these pages should be required to attend, along with Oliver ("Guests" should not be admitted). What do you say?

[Wuptdo]

Just wanted to let you all know that they now have a new menu with several new options. Just took the whole family (including the in-laws), and even the kids were happy! Will be going back for lunch to check out several of the new items. I think they have a new Chef. Anyway, if you don't want to wait 30 minutes at Outback or Bonefish, check this place out.

Wuptdo B-)

[Oliver]

Mr. Tdo,

Do you know if the new chef also frowns on serving catsup and pickles with the filet mignon hamburger?

Also, do you think they will finally get a real grand piano for the moose?

[Wuptdo]

Dr. Olivers (Phd in Food),

Haven't met the new guy yet. However, two of my sons had the 1/2 lb bugers ($8) and they bought out the catsup & mustard & mayo in little 1 oz glass jars. They took them because they are "cool" 8) . If Admin Hyatt is will to spring $9, I would suggest you try the lunch buffet. However, please note, they don't have sweet tea, you must use the little packets of suger to sweeten it. Enjoy!

Wuptdo B-) B-)

[Wuptdo]

Hi Folks - Have you made your Easter Day Plans yet? Just wanted you to know that the Embassy Suites in Cary will be "putting on the Ritz" on Easter Sunday. There will be two seatings: 11:30 am and 1:30 pm

Price: Adults = $22.95, Seniors = $19.95, Children (6-14) = $10.95, Kids under six = Free (Plus Tax and 15% service charge)

To many items to list for the menu, but there is something for everybody.
Delicious Dessert & Sundae Bar Extravaganza

Space Limited, and reservations are suggested. 919-677-1840 (ext 3007).

We split between this day and their Mother's Day special. I have found both to be worth the cost, especially when I really tie on the ole' feedbag.

Enjoy!

Wuptdo B-)

To all newcomers to CB, I suggest you go back over this thread and read Mr. Oliver's "write-ups." :wink:

[johnb]

I have never met anyone who knows as much about the local restraunts as you Mike. How the hell do you manage this?

[Wuptdo]

Johnb - Cause Mrs. Wup and I hates to cooks and at least once a week, we have a date. Sometimes lunch, sometimes dinner. She has been working remote recently, so she has been home much more recently. So sometimes, we out twice a week.

Wuptdo B-)

P.S. - We also have the "coupon" book from school and clip coupons. :wink: